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[24 Nov 2009|07:02pm] |
THIS ONE GOES OUT TO MAH GIRL PIPZ
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) pippie_poppins U R IN MY THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS ON THE BIG SURGERY TOMORROW. HOPE EVERYTHING "COMES OUT" OKAY
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| SUPERB ACTING BY A PROFESSIONAL ACTOR, 1st edition. |
[25 Aug 2009|10:00pm] |
In the premier installment of Superb Acting by a Professional Actor, we celebrate the latest work of professional and slightly trained actor Carlos Ashley.
Though most in the upper echelon of the arts world know his backstory well, for those of you who’ve been snoozing under a rock or talking to roosters while on crack cocaine, we will briefly relay his history. Born Carl Ashley Raphael Little Vampire Bug Barat, he never knew exactly who his parents were as he was raised by a travelling circus troupe. He himself performed with the circus during his childhood, first as one of the clown car clowns and later as the bearded lady, as many often mistook him for a woman due to his long, luxurious hair. Ironically, he lacked the ability to actually grow facial hair and was forced to wear a prosthetic beard. He spent a year at university studying the fine art of acting, though his skills were so prodigious that he eventually left school, as the other students were ashamed to even train in the presence of such a stellar actor. Though the exact date is not certain, many scholars believe it was around this time that Carl appropriated the stage name Carlos Ashley, a more professional and enticing derivative of his actual name. Little is know about the next decade or so of his life*, although it can be assumed he spent time in the forests of Albania, practicing monologues to audiences of trees and seeking the answer to the old philosophic question “If a professional actor soliloquizes in a forest and no one hears him, is it still superb acting?”
Apparently, it is. Years later, Mr. Ashley is back on the professional acting scene with his moving psychological piece “Crappy Bank Holiday: Two British Dudes.” Ashley’s work short film is already generating Oscar buzz, including a possible Best Actress nomination for a deleted scene in which Carlos sported a prosthetic beard. In “Bank Holiday,” Carlos explores the duality of man, basing his two characters off of Freud’s structural model of the psyche. His shocking yet celebrated role, “The American Brit,” represents the id and his subtler yet finely crafted foil, “The British Brit,” represents the ego, while the audience’s discernment represents the super-ego. According to on-set sources, Carlos was a controlling force in every aspect of the film, down to the costuming – his Jesus baseball cap is said to have major symbolic meaning, though as of yet no one has been intelligent enough to figure out what exactly it was. And as always, Carlos displays impressive command of distinct accents, employing in this work his lauded “American Person” and ever popular “Unintelligible British Person.”**
While “Crappy Bank Holiday” has yet to stand the test of time, it is totally safe to say that this is the greatest work since man created film. And the driving factor behind its success? Superb acting by a professional actor.
*He most definitely did not have anything close to a musical career during this time.
** Many critics claim that Carl actually is an unintelligible Brit who has trouble conveying simple thoughts due to constantly slurred speech. However, the wiser of us recognize that he’s actually been spending the last few years in character preparing to play the role of Eliza Doolittle’s even harder to understand friend.
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